Good/Bad New Moviez

[Monster]

The LEGO Ninjago movie

It's ok. It seems like it's designed for kids.

Spoiler:

In the first two LEGO movies, they focused a lot on the pieces, especially the first movie. You watched LEGO pieces in motion. In this new movie, it seems less like LEGO pieces being combined or doing stuff, but rather, an ordinary cartoon where everything was made of LEGO pieces.

There was some product placement. LEGO, obviously, some breakfast cereal, and Apple products. I can't remember any other product placement, but I'm sure there was more.

Recommendation: See it if you're a fanboy or have kids. Otherwise, don't bother.

[Monster]

Happy Death Day

If you've seen the trailer, then you already know the entirety of this movie. This movie is basically a horror version of Groundhog Day.

Spoiler:

The end with the sorority leader, Danielle, was amusing. Lori, one of the sorority ladies, was the murderer. After Lori died, Danielle was being interviewed by a news reporter. She said, of Lori, trying to demonize her, "Lori never wore makeup. She never took selfies and posted them to social media." Genius!

The movie has been described as a dark comedy or comedy horror by some reviewers. It definitely has some funny moments, but the focus is on the horror, not the comedy.

The movie is nearly a total ripoff of Groundhog Day. The movie acknowledges this fact at the end.

Since Tree's day was reset when she died, even when she committed suicide, one must assume that she'll resurrect into this day when she dies of old age.

Who the Hell decided to name the protagonist "Tree"?

Recommendation: See it if you feel like seeing a non-great horror movie where you know everything already.

[TJrandom]

October Sky (Rocket Boys) – a rented DVD. Enjoyed the portrayal of 1950s coal mining and rural Appalachia.

[JO 753]

I saw dat!

[JO 753]

Wonder Woman.

I wuz not impressed. So not impressed that I will not see any more DC moviez. The last straw in a long line uv crummy DC comic adaptationz.

[Monster]

Sinister 2

It's an ok horror movie. Not as good as the original.

Recommendation: See it if you feel like it.

[TJrandom]

We saw Logan Lucky and quite enjoyed it.

[ElectricMonk]

The whole point of the story is the ambiguity of Deckard's status: it doesn't matter if he is or isn't, just that it is possible that he is, and more importantly, that he can't be sure that he isn't.

[Major Malfunction]

Does he have milk for blood? Pretty easy test.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

The whole point of the story is the ambiguity of Deckard's status: it doesn't matter if he is or isn't, just that it is possible that he is, and more importantly, that he can't be sure that he isn't.

Hmmm, first time I've heard there was a point to those movies.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Does he have milk for blood? Pretty easy test.

Or have the subject be squeezed between two metal plates. If the subject is strong enough to stop them then "replicant". Otherwise, "deceased."

[Major Malfunction]

Nine out of ten juiced humans is worth it.

[ElectricMonk]

The whole point of the story is the ambiguity of Deckard's status: it doesn't matter if he is or isn't, just that it is possible that he is, and more importantly, that he can't be sure that he isn't.

Hmmm, first time I've heard there was a point to those movies.

Morality tale: if replicants are (almost) indistinguishable from humans, what right do we have to destroy them?
How is it different from murder?

[Gawdzilla Sama]

If Deckard was a replicant he was a pathetic one.

[Major Malfunction]

He was wasting my whiskey.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

He was wasting my whiskey.

At least it wasn't whisky.

[Major Malfunction]

Pah! He can have all of that that he wants.

[JO 753]

Thor, Ragnarok. Great movie. See it.

[Major Malfunction]

Good to see superhero movies trying to be a bit more entertaining and lighthearted after the successes of Deadpool and Guardians.

E gads! Why do all the heros have to be so dark and emo and conflicted all the time? Oh, the humanity!

[Monster]

John Dies at the End

Seen it for the second time. I absolutely love it. My brother and I played Arkham Horror: The Card Game this past week, and then we saw that movie. That movie is AHTCG in movie form.

Recommendation: See it.

[Monster]

The Room

I was reminded of this movie due to the trailers for the upcoming movie The Disaster Artist. So I decided to watch the entirety of The Room. Tommy Wiseau is the director, writer, producer, and protagonist.

This is the best of the so-bad-it's-good movies I've ever seen. So much is wrong with it. Maybe Troll 2 would be my second favorite so-bad-it's-good movie.

Cast of primary characters:
Johnny: Tommy Wiseau's character. Lisa's fiance.
Lisa: Smokin' hot babe. Johnny's fiance.
Mark: Johnny's buddy.
Denny: Some young, little guy.
Claudette: Lisa's mom.

The plot of the movie is basically centered around Lisa's infidelity with Johnny. Lisa is in love with Mark and is having an affair with him.

The room, after which the movie is named, is most likely the living room of Johnny's apartment. It's not truly made clear, but it's probably that.

Unfortunately, I can't write the rest of my notes of the movie outside of a spoiler tag, because you need to experience the movie with no expectations to get the most out of it.

Spoiler:

The sex scenes with Lisa and either of her two love interests are very awkward. Especially with Mark. It was obvious she didn't know what to do with her hands and arms, and the director (Wiseau) didn't care to film it an additional time. The sex scenes have dubbed kissing noises and moans. And very unfortunately, some of Johnny's chuckles. They were spectacularly unromantic.

Lisa very clearly gives some genuine physical affection to Wiseau at one point. I guess the actress liked him.

Johnny makes these hideous little chuckles all over the movie. Especially when he's being romantic with Lisa. It's shockingly disturbing.

The "oh hi, Mark" line is gold.

Wiseau's manner of getting characters out of scenes is idiotic. It's mostly just "I gotta go". He does this with characters that just joined the scene by knocking on the front door. It makes no logical sense.

Johnny wore sunglasses and entered a florist's store. She said, "Can I help you?" He took off his glasses and she said, "Oh, hi, Johnny, I didn't recognize you." This guy has long hair and a very distinctive face, and she couldn't recognize him with sunglasses. Wow. Such poor writing.

The script needed some serious proofreading, which it didn't get.

Denny is a little weirdo who likes coming to Lisa's and Johnny's apartment. When Lisa and Johnny go upstairs for romance, he follows them and says "I like to watch you guys". And he didn't mean that he liked watching them be romantic. He meant he just liked being in their presence. Stunningly bad writing.

Johnny really liked throwing a football around. I supposed Wiseau just liked footballs so he added that to a lot of scenes.

Johnny learns about Lisa's affair with Mark and still wants to continue forward with the wedding. Maybe this was the point at which Johnny set up the tape recorder. I mean, he learned about the affair, and decided to get some recorded proof. Well, I'm just trying to come up with some rationalization for why he'd continue with the wedding. It makes so little sense.

Lisa made some stunningly bad decisions. In particular, the one that really seemed astounding was, after the party guests left the living room, she started sitting on Mark and kissing him on the sofa. Lady, the guests are right outside the door and could come in at any second! Which is, of course, what happened.

Recommendation: I was genuinely entertained with this movie. I kept wanting to see what horrible thing was coming next. See it if you want to see a so-bad-it's-good movie, or if you want to watch a sliver of cinematic history.

[JO 753]

Baby Driver

Krummy car chase action. The Top Gun type wich relyz on 1/4 second cuts to make dummyz think they saw sumthing exiting.

Then therez the muzik. Nonstop for most uv the film, played loud. Givez me the impression that the hole thing wuz just an excuse for the director or whoever to introduse hiz favez playlist to a larj audiens.

[Major Malfunction]

Revolt

You wanna see a crappy B-grade action sci-fi with no story and laughable robot CGI? This is the movie for you!

JO will probably love it.

Synopsis: Really stupid alien robots invade Africa. Some random US soldier manages to blow up a big one and escape with some random chick. Roll credits.

But that was just one, and it's a world invasion. Where TF do they think they're going? Like I said. No story.

It's worth watching just for the really bad robot CGI. A lesson in how not to make a movie.

[Monster]

Fateful Findings

This is a "cult" movie by Neil Breen. Breen starred, directed, wrote, and produced it.

Breen was around 54 when he made this movie and he looks twenty years older.

This movie sucks ass. I was reminded of the horribleness of The Room while watching this. Unlike The Room, this is so bad it's still bad. This movie is just idiotic and insane in many respects. After writing that, I realized that so many non-horrible movies also use idiotic plots and random magic. So I guess my dislike of the idiocy in this movie is due to its overall shittiness.

Spoiler:

The acting in this movie is like rapid fire acting. Or acting spurts. The acting is like this.

*silence and lack of movement*
ACT AND SPEAK!
*silence and lack of movement*
ACT AND SPEAK!
*silence and lack of movement*
Repeat forever.

There were idiotic errors made throughout the entire movie.

Breen's smile is creepy and it horrifies me.

Wooism is a minor and simultaneously major part of the movie. It's major because it was used to free a woman who was imprisoned in a truck. It's minor because it shows up throughout the movie, and does nothing. Basically, people disappear, reappear, a spirit or something travels around, and Breen's magic cube shows up all the time.

Breen's laptops are never turned on throughout the whole movie! His typing on the laptops is like the typing of a person who has never typed.

Recommendation: Don't bother. It's totally stupid.

[Monster]

The Shape of Water

It's fine, not great.

Spoiler:

A bit of unnecessary female nudity and masturbation, but sure, I didn't mind. It just seemed unnecessary. The heroine has a totally sweet body, which isn't apparent at all when she's wearing her clothes.

The flooding of the bathroom was a spectacularly bad idea.

The creature strongly reminded me of the marine guy from Hellboy.

Recommendation: See it if you have nothing else to see.

[Gord]

...unnecessary female nudity and masturbation....

Error, error, does not compute.

[Austin Harper]

The creature strongly reminded me of the marine guy from Hellboy.

That makes sense since both are Guillermo del Toro movies and both roles are played by Doug Jones (who is also currently playing Saru on Star Trek: Discovery).

[JO 753]

Valerian

Great visualz, good story, good action. Definitely worth watching. Its based on a popular comic book. I think this coud hav been a great movie if theyd picked believable peepl for the leadz. They needed real starz, not just actorz.

Olympus haz Fallen

Good action movie along the linez uv Die Hard.

The Crusible

I found this thru a Youtube vid that uzed senez from it for They Sined In Blud, a Metal Church song. Its about the Salem wich hunt. Its OK. Its uv interest to skeptics for its portrayal uv how massez uv peepl can be eazily duped into beleeving sum crazy stuff.

[Monster]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

It was ok. It was a little disappointing.

Spoiler:

Both the Resistance and the First Order took heavy losses in this movie. The First Order took larger losses, but probably they were a smaller proportion of their total forces, compared to the Resistance. The Resistance seems to have nearly lost everything.

I hate the porgs. They're much less annoying than Jar Jar Binks, but they're a total tie in for children. Well, I guess the whole movie is meant to interest children. Even the children in the movie play with a Luke Skywalker toy. I was happy to see porgs being cooked by Chewbacca.

A lot of characters from the previous movie died. Snoke, Phasma, Luke Skywalker.

The First Order needs to stop with the super large warships. They just get destroyed all the time.

I realized a few weeks ago that this movie is basically WW2 in space, and I'm not talking about the First Order's (and Empire's) resemblance to WW2 Germany. I'm talking about all the equipment, large vehicles, fighter battles, constant gun battles, bombers, dreadnoughts.

There was a bit of goofiness in the movie. The jokes were actually pretty good, but they didn't really belong in the movie. The jokes hurt the movie more than helped it.

All of the Star Wars movies ever made are roughly the same. The same stuff happens in each one, the same characters are involved, and the same story is involved in each one.

Recommendation: See it if you're a fanboy, or a child. Don't see it in 3D. The 3D adds nothing.

[Jeffk 1970]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

It was ok. It was a little disappointing.

Spoiler:

Both the Resistance and the First Order took heavy losses in this movie. The First Order took larger losses, but probably they were a smaller proportion of their total forces, compared to the Resistance. The Resistance seems to have nearly lost everything.

I hate the porgs. They're much less annoying than Jar Jar Binks, but they're a total tie in for children. Well, I guess the whole movie is meant to interest children. Even the children in the movie play with a Luke Skywalker toy. I was happy to see porgs being cooked by Chewbacca.

A lot of characters from the previous movie died. Snoke, Phasma, Luke Skywalker.

The First Order needs to stop with the super large warships. They just get destroyed all the time.

I realized a few weeks ago that this movie is basically WW2 in space, and I'm not talking about the First Order's (and Empire's) resemblance to WW2 Germany. I'm talking about all the equipment, large vehicles, fighter battles, constant gun battles, bombers, dreadnoughts.

There was a bit of goofiness in the movie. The jokes were actually pretty good, but they didn't really belong in the movie. The jokes hurt the movie more than helped it.

All of the Star Wars movies ever made are roughly the same. The same stuff happens in each one, the same characters are involved, and the same story is involved in each one.

Recommendation: See it if you're a fanboy, or a child. Don't see it in 3D. The 3D adds nothing.

Taking the kids to see this on Tuesday.

Apparently it’s got the fans sharply divided. I have two things to say about that:

1) It’s a movie.
2) Get a life.

I like Star Wars but I don’t lose my mind over it.

[Major Malfunction]

Valerian

Great visualz, good story, good action. Definitely worth watching. Its based on a popular comic book. I think this coud hav been a great movie if theyd picked believable peepl for the leadz. They needed real starz, not just actorz.

I take your recommendations with a Dead Sea of salt. We obviously have differing tastes. Valerian was rubbish. It was a kid's introduction to sci-fi, and it was a poor introduction.

This is a personal bugbear. Sure, the graphics were great, but that's not what makes great sci-fi. There are so many great stories that could be told with our current level of CGI. But the producers seem to be so focused on the whizz bang zoom boom, they've lost the plot. Literally.

[bobbo_the_Pragmatist]

I just watched Valerian in 3D in google glass streamed from https://3donlinefilms.com/ Some of the scenes really "popped" well in the 3D format. I think the "field of view" is too small in my glass and more immersion would be felt with a larger fov? of note, the googleglass has not given me that IMAX experience of images coming right out of the screen and into the audience.... those are so cool. I don't know, that could be the whole fov thing, or some other variable. I assume IMAX experts know exactly how to make the screen image project into the audience? May have to be filmed from the start to get that effect rather than the viewer? Lots of variables.

Of interest to me is the new Star Wars Flick. Uncommonly favorable recommendations for it before and at release, next day mostly panned by the fans, now.....a mix. The franchise has had too much bubble gum in it right fromt he start. Cowboys in spaceships.

[Monster]

XX

Four short horror stories from a female perspective. At least, that's what the synopsis is. The stories were fine, not great.

Recommendation: See it if you feel like watching a horror movie.

Circle

A bunch of people are in a circle, and are dying one by one. Great execution, unsatisfying ending. I mean, it was enjoyable, but it had no real ending.

Recommendation: See it if you feel like watching a sci fi movie that is enjoyable, but with no ending.

[Monster]

The Void

I loved it. It was a fatally flawed movie, but very fun to watch. It was a Lovecraftian horror type of thing. Lots of ickiness though. More than it needed.

Recommendation: See it if you like horror.

[Austin Harper]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

It was ok. It was a little disappointing.

Spoiler:

Both the Resistance and the First Order took heavy losses in this movie. The First Order took larger losses, but probably they were a smaller proportion of their total forces, compared to the Resistance. The Resistance seems to have nearly lost everything.

I hate the porgs. They're much less annoying than Jar Jar Binks, but they're a total tie in for children. Well, I guess the whole movie is meant to interest children. Even the children in the movie play with a Luke Skywalker toy. I was happy to see porgs being cooked by Chewbacca.

A lot of characters from the previous movie died. Snoke, Phasma, Luke Skywalker.

The First Order needs to stop with the super large warships. They just get destroyed all the time.

I realized a few weeks ago that this movie is basically WW2 in space, and I'm not talking about the First Order's (and Empire's) resemblance to WW2 Germany. I'm talking about all the equipment, large vehicles, fighter battles, constant gun battles, bombers, dreadnoughts.

There was a bit of goofiness in the movie. The jokes were actually pretty good, but they didn't really belong in the movie. The jokes hurt the movie more than helped it.

All of the Star Wars movies ever made are roughly the same. The same stuff happens in each one, the same characters are involved, and the same story is involved in each one.

Recommendation: See it if you're a fanboy, or a child. Don't see it in 3D. The 3D adds nothing.

Taking the kids to see this on Tuesday.

Apparently it’s got the fans sharply divided. I have two things to say about that:

1) It’s a movie.
2) Get a life.

I like Star Wars but I don’t lose my mind over it.

I thought it was ok. Too jokey and Finn's story was boring but better than the prequels which is all I ask.

[Monster]

Taking the kids to see this on Tuesday.

Apparently it’s got the fans sharply divided. I have two things to say about that:

1) It’s a movie.
2) Get a life.

I like Star Wars but I don’t lose my mind over it.

I thought it was ok. Too jokey and Finn's story was boring but better than the prequels which is all I ask.

Way the hell too jokey!

[JO 753]

We obviously have differing tastes.

Leevz more for me!

[Major Malfunction]

You're welcome to it. But don't get me wrong. I love a cheesy B-grade sci-fi as much as the next tragic fan. I'll slurp up the gruel on offer, but it doesn't mean I can't complain about the quality.

[Monster]

More thoughts on Star Wars:

Spoiler:

This movie reveals one of the huge flaws with colossal starships. That is, another starship can jump to hyperspace while pointing at it and do colossal damage. It renders obsolete every huge warship design. This flaw in the Star Wars stories existed since the beginning but Lucas steered clear of it. It seems he was more interested in tactical space battles than common sense. And that’s fine, but this movie throws all of those space battles into the toilet. Huge missiles with hyper drives is the obvious technology that should exist. A few of those would destroy the Death Star.

The fact that the First Order gained power so quickly seems to indicate that the Rebellion’s victory in Return of the Jedi was either very short lived or meaningless.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

The whole point of the story is the ambiguity of Deckard's status: it doesn't matter if he is or isn't, just that it is possible that he is, and more importantly, that he can't be sure that he isn't.

Hmmm, first time I've heard there was a point to those movies.

Morality tale: if replicants are (almost) indistinguishable from humans, what right do we have to destroy them?
How is it different from murder?

And when do we have a problem with murder?