Eurovision / Australia takes European Affairs from UK

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Matthew Ellard
Real Skeptic
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Joined: Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:31 am

Eurovision / Australia takes European Affairs from UK

Post by Matthew Ellard » Mon May 16, 2016 1:18 am

I have decided to expose Australia's top secret.

We Aussies have had enough of England's pathetic attempts to influence Europe, with its soggy fish & chips and bad Eurovision songs. Even the Brits themselves are openly discussing the Brit-exit, to save face, after continual defeats on that battlefield of good taste, The Eurovision song contest.


All the chiefs of the Australian military and directors of the Australian intelligence agencies decided to simply remove England from Europe and install Australia as the second most powerful European country after Germany. This meeting was so secret it wasn't held in a pub.

Step 1: Convince Europeans, Australia is part of Europe.
This was achieved in 2015 when Australia was invited to join the Eurovision song contest. If ever an Australian is forced by a European to identify Australia on a map of Europe, we simply vaguely point at central Europe and put on over the top Austrian accents.

Step 2 :Acclimatisation for long term European infiltration
Major Malfunction and I eat a bucket of snails and frogs legs everyday. I pour paprika over all my breakfast meals. If Major Malfunction and I walk past a small lake, in mixed company, we immediately take off all our clothes and swim with nature. I have a bidet installed in every room. If Major Malfunction and I leave church together, we will simply leave a devotion to the local tree spirit to hedge our bets. I never dance unless there are five spinning glitter balls in the room and only to Kraftwerk. I tell people that only one of my grandparents wasn't raped by a German or Russian soldier.

Step 3 : Convince English people they are not Europeans
This was hard, as obviously the English don't really exist and are just a trading outpost of the Anglos, Saxons, Franks, Normans, Romans and England forgets it has a German queen. Therefore we sent the Poms our propaganda TV show Neighbours . This TV show had subliminal messages. ("You really like eating old dripping" "Never talk openly about sex" "Russell Crow is your new god"). For this reason the English think they are somehow different to Europeans. Go figure?

Step 4 : Come second in Eurovision but behind that mess called Ukraine
We Aussies can't be too obvious in our goal of world domination. ( Rupert got too much attention when he took over all US media.) Therefore by letting Ukraine win, Europeans will simply think, "L'Australie doit être un pays pauvre comme l'Albanie" and root for us as underdog Europeans.

Mission Accomplished
Eurovision 2016: Ukraine takes out title, Australia comes second ... nd/7415336

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