I'm NEVER loaning money again......to anyone!!!

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bobbo_the_Pragmatist
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I'm NEVER loaning money again......to anyone!!!

Postby bobbo_the_Pragmatist » Wed Apr 27, 2016 12:48 am

In my life: 43 loans given out, only 3 paid back. Two for loose change to my good friend in High School, and one LARGE loan to Mom for her to qualify for a building package. No collateral or security, no origination or loan fees and for 2-3 years she was pissed at me that I charged her the 4% interest that my bank would have paid my savings account funds from which I "gave" her the money.

And so, another loan to my next door neighbor so that she could make her house payment. Then she lost her job, then got another one that disqualfies her for medicaid medical coverage so "all her money" is now going to medications....but other various items as well.

What have I learned?

People borrow money when they don't have any and the odds of them paying you back are "remote." When they can't pay back the money, most people feel "guilty" about it but they handle that guilt by avoiding and even blaming the lender. Given my real life track record............................. if ...................... I ever loan anyone money in the future it will explicitly be: a gift. "I have it, you need it....so here it is. Enjoy it. Pay it back only if you feel like it."

I doubt it will help anything other than maybe with the full recognition I won't be getting it back, I won't give it away.

Ha, ha..................... {!#%@} me.
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Matthew Ellard
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Re: I'm NEVER loaning money again......to anyone!!!

Postby Matthew Ellard » Wed Apr 27, 2016 1:16 am

bobbo_the_Pragmatist wrote:People borrow money when they don't have any and the odds of them paying you back are "remote."
I think that is true. If you loan money to people, who have little chance of paying you back, they will eventually blame you for lending them money in the first place. "You should have known I was going to miss the repayments...."

I also think people are lazy and don't want to go through all the rigmarole of formally applying to an bank. For that reason I always ask "applicants" to supply me with complex assets lists and a spreadsheet showing their repayments, and say "you know the banks prepare all this stuff for you?". When they fail to provide me with this information and ask for the loan again, I simply reaffirm I need those documents. Eventually they give up and go to a bank.

On the other hand I have some male friends who are divorced and making family payments for their wives and children. They have no cash at the end of the month, as they get paid monthly. If we go to dinner, those of us with cash, pay for the others as a gift that does not have to be openly declared with no obligations. That's normal friendship.

bobbo_the_Pragmatist
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Re: I'm NEVER loaning money again......to anyone!!!

Postby bobbo_the_Pragmatist » Wed Apr 27, 2016 1:29 am

Matt: we travel a different course, but pick up the same lessons. Life is like that, being what life is..... when keeping one's eyes, ears, and mind open.

I agree, having a loan application process is as close to a formal "no" as you can get with whatever sauve (whats the word for soothing ointment?) that provides. My actual challenge is deciding when to simply give the money away..... or a more honest not. I think I'd rather give the money away than "help" anyone fill out forms. I hate recognizing how stupid my best friends are.
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Monster
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Re: I'm NEVER loaning money again......to anyone!!!

Postby Monster » Wed Apr 27, 2016 2:53 am

You should forgive your mom's debt.
Listening twice as much as you speak is a sign of wisdom.

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Gord
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Re: I'm NEVER loaning money again......to anyone!!!

Postby Gord » Wed Apr 27, 2016 4:20 am

I've never lent money. Some people think they borrowed money from me, but I was actually giving it to them with the full knowledge that I would never likely see it again. I think some people have tried to "pay me back", but I never remember the "loan" they're talking about, and I can't remember ever actually accepting a "payback" that wasn't somehow turned into just a straight-out gift.
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Re: I'm NEVER loaning money again......to anyone!!!

Postby Poodle » Wed Apr 27, 2016 6:38 am

"I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today".

J. Wellington Wimpy.

bobbo_the_Pragmatist
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Re: I'm NEVER loaning money again......to anyone!!!

Postby bobbo_the_Pragmatist » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:40 am

Gord: we are close. I've never lent money than I "needed" to have paid back. ((EDIT......money and memories....and I've never even demanded repayment. The guilt and blame comes up pretty rapidly all on its own. I have refused additional loans on the grounds that previous ones have not been repaid. Always met as if I was insulting them. Not ONCE yet an apology.... except for Mom. HA, HA.....she did mention she understood what I had done regarding my lost interest. I have no doubt she lent one of my sisters some money and was in the same boat? Still..... being able to learn says a lot about dear Mom.))

Monster: Mom had all the money she needed "to live." The building loan was to construct a four plex to rent out on speculation. It was Mom's "building phase" before she got a free weekend in Houston to look over oil wells. I don't even recall if or how she paid it back, but she must have .... or I would have remembered it? What I do recall is that in her will the property had, along with some later expansion, had gone up 10 times in value but I only got one/third payment equal to my two siblings. I didn't think that was fair at all. I should have negotiated an equity interest at the beginning....... but I was seduced by my mother's previous unrelated good deeds. HAH!!!...I just remembered my sister embezzled $$ on my own 16 plex project, put me in quite a hole.

Family is like that: pros and cons.
Real Name: bobbo the existential pragmatic evangelical anti-theist and Class Warrior.
Asking: What is the most good for the most people?
Sample Issue: Should the Feds provide all babies with free diapers?

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Re: I'm NEVER loaning money again......to anyone!!!

Postby Austin Harper » Wed Apr 27, 2016 4:55 pm

Dum ratio nos ducet, valebimus et multa bene geremus.


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