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My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 3:08 am
by Gord
Experiment #22796 - Coffee.

Abstract
Coffee is one of the most popular beverages among humans. Its stimulatory effects comes from the natural alkaloid, caffeine. Caffeine is the antagonist of the adenosine receptors A1 and A2. Caffeine acts chronotropic positive and increases heart action; inotropic positive and increases cardiac contraction; tronotropic positive and increases hearts muscular ton, brain's vascular stenosis, vasodilatation of coronal vessels, renal vessels, muscular vessels and skin vessels. The aim of the study was to determine whether humans prefer weak coffee, medium-strength coffee, or strong coffee.

MATERIAL AND METHODS:
Eight healthy subjects (age 30-88 years; median 44 years) were used. There were twelve experiments, in which coffee was brewed using increasing amounts of finely ground beans. After tasting, each participant was asked to rank the coffee as either "weak", "medium", or "strong". The subjects were then exposed to 30 millisieverts of alpha radiation, just for fun.

RESULTS:
People could rarely agree. In only one experiment did all eight subjects rate the coffee as "weak", and in only one experiment did all eight rate the coffee as "strong". The subjects also took it upon themselves to create a new ranking system, which included "weak", "medium-weak", "medium", "medium-strong", "strong", and "too strong ugh yuck". However, none of the participants ever ranked any of the coffee samples as "medium". Furthermore, one subject's "strong" coffee was another subject's "weak" coffee, indicating a disparity of four ranks in a six-rank system of their own creation.

CONCLUSIONS:
No two people could agree on the "best strength" for coffee. However, all agreed that being exposed to alpha radiation for my personal amusement was upsetting to them. The only conclusive finding with regard to the actual experiment was that "medium" coffee does not appear to be possible, since it was not found within the range from weak to super-strong despite the use of 12 experiments with coffee brewed using gradually increasing amounts of fine ground beans.

Recommendations
Kill all humans? :pardon:

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 3:22 am
by Io
I suggest that scientists be put to work right now mass-breeding the future generations from those who dislike coffee.
I dislike coffee.

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 7:44 am
by Poodle
I despise tea (and tomato soup).

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 10:32 am
by Gawdzilla Sama
Any coffee that can't make it into your cup on it's own power wouldn't rate higher than "medium" in the USN.

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 6:09 pm
by OlegTheBatty
The methodology is flawed. The alpha radiation introduces a possible confounding factor. The source and strength of the radiation needs to be varied to try and determine its effect, if any, on the coffee strength determination. For all we know, a coffee drinker subjected to strong gamma radiation might rate all coffees as medium.

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 7:58 pm
by bobbo_the_Pragmatist
I can't make a cup of coffee too strong. I'm actually adding instant to espresso now. Need to reset my taste buds, go to tea for a few months. This helps, but the acclimation times are getting shorter and shorter. To be fair: it the brew becomes more like "Turkish Coffee" so that one is actually slurping up the grounds....that is too strong....or maybe I just don't like grit in my Joe? I mean, I'm not camping....

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 9:46 pm
by Gord
OlegTheBatty wrote:The methodology is flawed. The alpha radiation introduces a possible confounding factor. The source and strength of the radiation needs to be varied to try and determine its effect, if any, on the coffee strength determination. For all we know, a coffee drinker subjected to strong gamma radiation might rate all coffees as medium.

If it wasn't flawed, it wouldn't be fun!

bobbo_the_Pragmatist wrote:I can't make a cup of coffee too strong.

You and my brother. This is why "coffee" is just a subjective term for "tainted water"!

Stoopid hoomans.

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2018 10:27 am
by Gawdzilla Sama
The second "Nightmare on Elm St." started with the sole survivor from the first movie making a model of the "haunted house". As she's working on it she casually reaches over and grabs a jar of instant coffee, scoops up a soup spoon full, and just drops that in her mouth, followed by a sip of water.

She would have made passable pit snipe.

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2018 6:44 pm
by mirror93
woomans

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:53 pm
by bobbo_the_Pragmatist
Gord wrote:
bobbo_the_Pragmatist wrote:I can't make a cup of coffee too strong.

You and my brother. This is why "coffee" is just a subjective term for "tainted water"!


To be fair, I've always had milk and sugar in it. Dear Old Dad used to say if you put anything into coffee, you actually don't like coffee and you aren't drinking coffee. That's definitional....and fine with me. I can drink plain coffee, I just prefer the additions....so why not? I like catsup on hot dogs too. Mom and Dad allowed us kiddies to drink coffee with them at breakfast. don't know what Mom thought, but Dear Old Dad said stunting my growth would be good for me. He was perverse that way. I still recall the concerned response I got at elementary school when asking for coffee during the tray line...………...

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2018 1:42 am
by Lance Kennedy
Obviously strong coffee causes pessimism.

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2018 5:06 am
by bobbo_the_Pragmatist
Ha, ha….lance!!!!! You are holding to a theme. Good boy.

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2018 5:03 pm
by Austin Harper
Gord wrote:Recommendations
Kill all humans?

Congratulations! Your follow-up experiment has been approved pending funding allocation.

Re: My Time Amongst the Humans

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2018 5:38 pm
by Gawdzilla Sama
Austin Harper wrote:
Gord wrote:Recommendations
Kill all humans?

Congratulations! Your follow-up experiment has been approved pending funding allocation.

Pay back, bitches!

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