Sasquatch DNA sequenced?

[Pyrrho]

Or so they claim...

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2012/11/prweb10166775.htm

Proof! Always a red flag...

[Poodle]

Ah - an impartial researcher who, without any peer review of her work, said "Government at all levels must recognize them ... " (Sasquatch) " ... as an indigenous people and immediately protect their human and Constitutional rights against those who would see in their physical and cultural differences a ‘license’ to hunt, trap, or kill them.”

A little premature, I would have thought. Or, possibly, just a little giveaway on the state of her preconceived ideas.

[OlegTheBatty]

Hmmmmmm

her company, DNA Diagnostics, has received an "F" rating from the Better Business Bureau.

Ketchum has not allowed scientific peer review of her findings

Ketchum says her DNA sample was obtained from a blueberry bagel left in the backyard of a Michigan home that, according to the owner, sees regular visits from Sasquatch creatures.

[Poodle]

Hmmmm again.

According to their own website http://www.dnadiagnostics.com/staff.html, DNA Diagnostics Inc. has a staff of ... ermmm ... one - Dr. Ketchum herself.

[Gord]

currently under peer-review

Well that'd be new. Is this the paper Ketchum's been working on for five years? Well, if it gets published in the National Enquirer, at least it will really be reviewed by her "peers".

[Major Malfunction]

Ketchum says her DNA sample was obtained from a blueberry bagel left in the backyard

Sounds legit.

[Gord]

Ketchum says her DNA sample was obtained from a blueberry bagel left in the backyard

Sounds legit.

And I completely agree with her conclusion -- the bagel was definitely NOT human.

[Major Malfunction]

Human/blueberry bagel hybrids have rights too!

[Gord]

Oh dear glob: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5bRnNQlA5Q

[SweetPea]

Ketchum says her DNA sample was obtained from a blueberry bagel left in the backyard

So that's how ya ketch um.

[Gord]

currently under peer-review

Well that'd be new. Is this the paper Ketchum's been working on for five years? Well, if it gets published in the National Enquirer, at least it will really be reviewed by her "peers".

Is this one of my posts? I give it a 50/50 chance. Everything about it fits my style.

[SweetPea]

You guys haven't read The Blind Squatchmaker

[angawawa]

What will we all do if someone actually does find a bigfoot?

[SweetPea]

stay out the the backyard?

[Hex]

What will we all do if someone actually does find a bigfoot?

Probably shoot it.

*I think I can speak for everyone that truly wishes for this to true. Alas another dead end.

[Major Malfunction]

What will we all do if someone actually does find a bigfoot?

BBQ it.

[Gord]

What will we all do if someone actually does find a bigfoot?

Celebrate.

The quest for the mythical Bigfoot suggests the following possible outcomes:

1. No one finds a Bigfoot, but they keep looking. Nothing is resolved.
2. No one finds a Bigfoot, and everyone forgets about it. A boring but entirely realistic resolution.
3. Someone finds a Bigfoot. Excitement ensues! Parties! Entertainment! Investigation and knowledge and exploration erupts, huzzah!

So honestly, I hope someone finds one. But as the evidence heavily weighs toward there being no such thing, I expect it will never happen (until someone makes one from scratch).

[OlegTheBatty]

So honestly, I hope someone finds one. But as the evidence heavily weighs toward there being no such thing, I expect it will never happen (until someone makes one from scratch).

Instant Sasquatch^TM "Just add BS and stir"!

[Austin Harper]

Have I already brought this up? Whatever, if I have at least this story is newer.

Animal Planet show comes to Wichita, in search of Bigfoot

Bigfoot lives.

He apparently doesn’t live a flashy life in Kansas. Here, he stays pretty much undercover and lives more conservatively than say his counterparts in California and Washington state where paparazzi have occasionally snapped photos and videos of the famed elusive beast.

But there have been reports.

[busterggi]

What will we all do if someone actually does find a bigfoot?

BBQ it.

No, I'd slice it open, toast it and spread cream cheese on it so I could eat it.

Or is that the bagel I'm thinking of?

[Gord]

What will we all do if someone actually does find a bigfoot?

BBQ it.

No, I'd slice it open, toast it and spread cream cheese on it so I could eat it.

Or is that the bagel I'm thinking of?

The Bagel? Wasn't that the ship Chuck Darwin was on?

[Sock Puppet]

I have heard there is an elusive creature that has never been caught but which many have witnessed and described. Their descriptions have a lot in common, suggesting this is a real phenomenon of some sort. The stories have been passed down for ages. Sometimes it takes the form of a hairy ape-like hominid, sometimes a serpentine sea monster, or a dragon, or an extra terrestrial. I believe it is called a Meme. It really has a life of its own. Have any of you seen one?

[SweetPea]

no, but I have heard of them.

[OlegTheBatty]

I have heard there is an elusive creature that has never been caught but which many have witnessed and described. Their descriptions have a lot in common, suggesting this is a real phenomenon of some sort. The stories have been passed down for ages. Sometimes it takes the form of a hairy ape-like hominid, sometimes a serpentine sea monster, or a dragon, or an extra terrestrial. I believe it is called a Meme. It really has a life of its own. Have any of you seen one?

No one catches a Meme. A Meme catches you.

[Alexander941]

Nothing, again!
Iam so disappointed, when will the day come that I will see video footage from a zoo, showing an angry bigfoot who is tearing apart a tourist who was stupid enough to reach into the cage.

[Gord]

Nothing, again!
Iam so disappointed, when will the day come that I will see video footage from a zoo, showing an angry bigfoot who is tearing apart a tourist who was stupid enough to reach into the cage.

It can only happen on sci-fi tv or in the movies.

[Alexander941]

Hmpf, I think Ill learn how to modify the genetic code of various lifforms, and then ill build my very own bigfoot.

[PennyDotson]

Ketchum says her DNA sample was obtained from a blueberry bagel left in the backyard

Sounds legit.

And I completely agree with her conclusion -- the bagel was definitely NOT human.

I laughed way too hard than I should have.

[Alexander941]

I just thought that if a Bigfoot would be abducted by Aliens, then this would be one of the strangest Encounters ever. Especially if the only Witnesses were the Lizardman and the Jersey devil.

[spooky1980]

It is more likely that some desperate sicko has sex with one of his pet apes and this has been released into the wild. There is so-called 'evidence' of scientists in Africa having sex with monkeys and gorrillas and this produced the HIV virus... probably as likely as Bigfoot walking up to the White House and asking for US citizenship

[gorgeous]

Skamania County, Washington passed a law regarding Bigfoot in 1969 declaring that "any willful, wanton slaying of such creatures shall be deemed a felony" subject to substantial fine and/or imprisonment.------Undiscovered Species Protection Act


Whereas, there is evidence to indicate the possible existence of an undiscovered species a primate mammal variously described as Bigfoot, Sasquatch, an ape-like creature or a subspecies of Homo Sapiens.


Whereas, reported recent and past sightings, research by anthropologist, Primatologist, biologist, forensic experts, cryptozooligst, independent organizations, private individuals and the famous chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall support this possibility.


Whereas, the absence of specific laws covering the slaying, taking, trapping or harassing of said specimens encourages laxity in the use of firearms and other deadly devices and poses a clear and present threat to the safety and well-being of persons living or traveling within the boundaries of the creatures habitat as well as to the creatures themselves.


Whereas, for the safety of all, the carrying or dispersing of firearms requires a sense of responsibility to all surrounding individuals and animals. It is the shooters full responsibility to correctly identify the species before the taking of aim and or the killing of a species, therefore ignorance will not absolve the shooter of said charges.


Whereas, be it resolved that any premeditated, willful and wanton slaying harassing or any malicious activities upon such creature shall be deemed a felony punishable by a fine not to exceed One hundred Thousand Dollars ($100.0000) and/or imprisonment, not to exceed ten (10) years.


Whereas, in the event of the slaying or capture of said creature any and all (moneys) proceeds and revenues shall be donated to a state college for future studies and or the protection of said creatures. The rights and physical possession to the said creature shall also be immediately donated to a state college, for further studies.

[Matthew Ellard]

It is more likely that some desperate sicko has sex with one of his pet apes and this has been released into the wild.

Are you suggesting that a human and an ape can have a child?

How many chromosomes does a human have? How many chromosomes does an ape have?

[Gord]

It is more likely that some desperate sicko has sex with one of his pet apes and this has been released into the wild.

Are you suggesting that a human and an ape can have a child?

How many chromosomes does a human have? How many chromosomes does an ape have?

Humans and "apes" (however you want to define the term -- personally I think humans are apes too but you shouldn't agree with me 'cause I'm clearly wrong for some reason I don't know why can't we just drop it okay let's) can't have offspring, but it's not necessarily because of the number of chromosomes. For instance, beavers, chimpanzees, and deer mice all have 48 chromosomes, but they can't interbreed. Przwpleroopski's no wait wrong, Przewalski's horses have 66 chromosomes while domestic horses have 64, but they can interbreed (their offspring have 65 chromosomes and are viable, meaning they can also breed).

But I chose to read spooky1980's comment as a reference to how unlikely it is that bigfoot even exists at all, and not a claim (other than in the humorous sense) that a human and an ape can successfully breed.

Unless Drumpf is half orangutan, like I've been told.

[Matthew Ellard]

Humans and "apes"

Thank you Gord for pointing out humans are in fact apes. I actually knew that. I simply kept it simple for Spooky, as he made the claim that humans and apes could have offspring.

Technically, 7 million years ago when us human apes separated from ape apes, two chromosomes merged and thus we human apes have 23 base pairs while ape apes have 24.

For instance, beavers, chimpanzees, and deer mice all have 48 chromosomes, but they can't interbreed.

Thank you, again, Gord.

Are you are suggesting my backyard experiment to breed a species of dam making chimpanzees, with buck-teeth, that are the size of a mouse, will ultimately fail?

gauntlet_XVI.jpg

[Gord]

Humans and "apes"

Thank you Gord for pointing out humans are in fact apes. I actually knew that.

I, uh, I said they weren't. But I think they should be.

Here, look at the link I linked to linkingly earlier: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ape#Great_and_lesser

Especially this part: "...there are at least three common, or traditional, uses of the term "ape": non-specialists may not distinguish between "monkeys" and "apes", that is, they may use the two terms interchangeably; or they may use "ape" for any tailless monkey or non-human hominoid; or they may use the term "ape" to just mean the non-human hominoids."

But also this part: "Some scientists now use the term "ape" to mean all members of the superfamily Hominoidea, including humans."

Because it's complicated! They can't get their {!#%@} together, their ducks in a row, or their eyes on the same page.

For instance, beavers, chimpanzees, and deer mice all have 48 chromosomes, but they can't interbreed.

Thank you, again, Gord.
Are you are suggesting my backyard experiment to breed a species of dam making chimpanzees, with buck-teeth, that are the size of a mouse, will ultimately fail?
gauntlet_XVI.jpg

No that should still work. Get yourself a CostCo Gene Splicer and splice yourself up a beavmouszee.

[OlegTheBatty]

Unless Drumpf is half orangutan, like I've been told.

Was it the gibbons who told you that? They're just jealous, trying to tear the orangutans down to make themselves look better.

[spooky1980]

I never realistically suggested that bigfoot was a cross between a human and an ape... I was merely suggesting that that is more likely than some kind of prehistoric creature being able to avoid capture in the USA and survive without any evidence of it existing. Bigfoot is a myth like the Loch Ness monster, but it brings in the tourists and maybe Drumpf has had a hair (and brain) transplant from a orangutan (joke!).

[Matthew Ellard]

I never realistically suggested that bigfoot was a cross between a human and an ape...

Nope. That's exactly what you did. It was hilarious.

I was merely suggesting that that is more likely than some kind of prehistoric creature being able to avoid capture in the USA and survive without any evidence of it existing.

Would this be, sort of like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, or more like the movie "The Valley of Gwangi" (1969)?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXRkwR9zDRc

[Gord]

Oooh, Gila Golan....

[Skepticon of Pyrrhonia]

Sasquatch did come into existence after a hippie bred with a bonobo while tripping on acid during Woodstock. The Sasquatch was infertile but could time travel. It later died after it traveled back in time to assassinate president Kennedy as instructed by an alien race of humans from the distant future in another galaxy to appease the conspiracy theorists' two person shooter theory. The beast died by swallowing a poison capsule. It refused to grunt to authorities. Don't ask me how I know this. It was revealed to me by a deity.