Twisted Lyrics

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Nikki Nyx
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Twisted Lyrics

Postby Nikki Nyx » Sat Nov 11, 2017 7:37 pm

My good friend is a karaoke deejay, and I create all her online flyers. When I post them, for an upcoming, gig, I frequently write what I call "twisted lyrics"—sort of Weird Al style—to accompany the informational flyer. Here's one...

Hey Brew (hat tip to Pink Floyd)
Hey brew...
Guinness, dark and bold
In my fridge now, getting cold
Can you feel me?
Hey brew...
Standing in your pack
With five others at your back
Can you feel me?
Hey brew...don't let them keep drinking Bud Light
Don't give in without a fight

Hey brew...
In coolers packed with ice
All you ales, brown and weiss
Can I drink you?
Hey brew...
In your fridge behind the bar
Stouts and bocks from near and far
Can I drink you?
Hey brew...I tell everyone you're first class
Open your tap...I've got a glass

But it was only fantasy
My hopes were too high, as you can see
Too many people drink beer that tastes like pee
And it just goes against the grain

Hey brew!
In the package store*
In varieties fourscore
Can you help me?
Hey brew!
Everywhere across the globe
Can we cure the zythophobe?
Can you help me?
Hey brew...don't tell me there's no hops at all
Together we drink...divided we brawl
...we brawl
...we brawl
...we brawl

* In New England, we call liquor stores "package stores." No, I have no idea why.

:mrgreen:
"An extraordinary claim requires extraordinary proof."—Marcello Truzzi

"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence."—Christopher Hitchens

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Gawdzilla Sama
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Re: Twisted Lyrics

Postby Gawdzilla Sama » Sat Nov 11, 2017 7:56 pm

I used to do that to stay awake on watch when I was in the Navy. You can imagine...
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Nikki Nyx
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Re: Twisted Lyrics

Postby Nikki Nyx » Fri Nov 17, 2017 7:01 pm

Here's another one (hat tip to the Police)...

Once that you've decided you are drinking
You really should be happy in your heart
Check your head and if your mind is willing
Then you can turn your drinking into art

A's for Absinthe with its lovely ritual
For B, a Bloody Mary is your friend
At C, Calvados might become habitual
D for Draught Beer, and this round's at its end

'Cause it's drinking by numbers...one, two, three
It's as easy to learn as your ABCs
Drinking by numbers...one, two three
It's as easy to learn as your ABCs

Everclear at E might cause some trouble
And F for Fireball will paint the town
You know that G's for gin, make mine a double
Put Heineken at H to wash it down

And Iced Tea from Long Island's in the I's place
Then J for Jameson's with pickle juice
The K? Kahlua, vodka, soda...will your mind erase?
And L for Lager...who needs an excuse?

It's drinking by numbers...one, two, three
It's as easy to learn as your ABCs
Drinking by numbers...one, two three
It's as easy to learn as your ABCs

Now, M is not for Mad Dog or Malt Liquor
It stands for Margarita (with the salt)
N is for Negroni...it's a kicker
(There's not a lot for N, it's not my fault!)

At O, it's an Old Fashioned for the bourbon
Patron at P, tequila once again
A Quagmyre at the Q would be disturbing
The R for Rum 'cause every now and then

It's drinking by numbers...one, two, three
It's as easy to learn as your ABCs
Drinking by numbers...one, two three
It's as easy to learn as your ABCs

Make S for Stout 'cause now we're near the ending
And T for Tanqueray in lime-a-gins*
For U, and Uppercut we will be blending
At V, a Virgin Mary for our sins

If you are Irish, W's for whiskey
And X is Cocktail X; need I say more?
At Y, a YIP! will have you feeling frisky
And Z for Zombie...now you're on the floor

'Cause it's drinking by numbers...one, two, three
It's as easy to learn as your ABCs
Drinking by numbers...one, two three
It's as easy to learn as your A...B...C...D...E

* One of my friends began calling the gin & tonic a "lime-a-gin."
"An extraordinary claim requires extraordinary proof."—Marcello Truzzi

"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence."—Christopher Hitchens


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