Jokes

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TJrandom
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Re: Jokes

Postby TJrandom » Wed Sep 06, 2017 7:56 am

Gord wrote:Here's a joke that shouldn't be a joke: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/brit ... aafcf31cc6

British Airways Magazine Really Thinks Lupita Nyong'o Is From Fictional Wakanda
Wakanda is the fictional African country where Marvel's "Black Panther" is set, not Lupita's hometown....

...Twitter user @MrFilmkritik shared a photo of the magazine’s global best-dressed feature, which lists several celebs along with their city of residence. Everyone’s information is accurate except for the 34-year-old actress who’s described as “The Marvel: Lupita Nyong’o (Wakanda).”...

...Lupita N’yongo isn’t from Wakanda. Wakanda isn’t real....

...Nyong’o is indeed co-starring in Marvel’s “Black Panther” film, but a quick Google search shows that the actress was born in Mexico, raised in Kenya and apparently lives in Brooklyn....

:mrgreen: Welcome to Wakanda: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wakanda_(comics)


Yes, yes... but Wakanda could be any of those places, since it isn`t real and all.... ;)

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Magician

Postby TJrandom » Wed Sep 06, 2017 7:00 pm

"A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three.

He says, 'uno, dos...' and poof.

He disappeared without a tres."

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Re: Jokes

Postby Cadmusteeth » Thu Sep 07, 2017 5:30 pm

:mrgreen: Horrible

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Presidential truth

Postby TJrandom » Fri Sep 08, 2017 9:21 am

George Washington: I cannot tell a lie.

Richard Nixon: I cannot tell the truth.

Donald Trump: I cannot tell the difference.

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Re: Jokes

Postby Major Malfunction » Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:16 pm

It's not really a joke, more a situational comedy anecdote that just sprung to mind for no particular reason...

I used to love playing Neverwinter Nights online. Dungeons & Dragons, for the uninitiated. Played it for years. Nearly always a cleric, because everyone needs a cleric, right?

So this one time we're running around in a party and someone complains one of the members isn't carrying his weight. His real life sister speaks up and says he only has one arm. So I ran over and cast a heal spell on him.

I guess you had to be there. :)
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Gord
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Re: Jokes

Postby Gord » Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:50 am

Neverwinter Nights? I don't know what that is. I play Neverwinter, though: http://www.arcgames.com/en/games/neverwinter
"Knowledge grows through infinite timelessness" -- the random fictional Deepak Chopra quote site
"You are also taking my words out of context." -- Justin
"Nullius in verba" -- The Royal Society ["take nobody's word for it"]
#ANDAMOVIE

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Re: Jokes

Postby Aztexan » Wed Sep 13, 2017 6:44 am

donald trump's granddaughter goes to Ivanka and asks, "Mommy, can I get pregnant and have a baby of my own?"
Ivanka answers, "Of course not, honey, you're not old enough. "
So the little girl runs back to the Oval Office and says, "OK, grandpa, we can play that game again!"
This is a sentence. tHi5 iz a seN+3nce oN drUgs!!!

"When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty"--sign seen at Occupy Wall St. protest.

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Re: Jokes

Postby Gord » Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:54 am

Q: How many barbarians does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler:
A: None, because barbarians aren't afraid of the dark.
"Knowledge grows through infinite timelessness" -- the random fictional Deepak Chopra quote site
"You are also taking my words out of context." -- Justin
"Nullius in verba" -- The Royal Society ["take nobody's word for it"]
#ANDAMOVIE

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Re: Jokes

Postby Major Malfunction » Wed Sep 13, 2017 10:11 am

Gord wrote:Neverwinter Nights? I don't know what that is. I play Neverwinter, though: http://www.arcgames.com/en/games/neverwinter

*sigh* Today's lost youth...
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Re: Jokes

Postby Gord » Wed Sep 13, 2017 11:47 pm

Major Malfunction wrote:
Gord wrote:Neverwinter Nights? I don't know what that is. I play Neverwinter, though: http://www.arcgames.com/en/games/neverwinter

*sigh* Today's lost youth...

Screw them, I'm not going out in this weather to look for them!
"Knowledge grows through infinite timelessness" -- the random fictional Deepak Chopra quote site
"You are also taking my words out of context." -- Justin
"Nullius in verba" -- The Royal Society ["take nobody's word for it"]
#ANDAMOVIE

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Re: Jokes

Postby Nikki Nyx » Sun Sep 17, 2017 5:14 am

Reminds me of the multitude of Americans who said "yes" when asked if Agrabah should be bombed. It'd be a shame to ruin those beautiful cartoon minarets. But it would create a whole new world. :mrgreen:
Image
...it used to be so simple, once upon a time.
Because the universe was full of ignorance all around and the scientist panned through it like a prospector crouched over a mountain stream, looking for the gold of knowledge among the gravel of unreason, the sand of uncertainty, and the little whiskery eight-legged swimming things of superstition.
—Terry Pratchett, from Witches Abroad

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Feel like a woman

Postby TJrandom » Fri Sep 22, 2017 9:22 am

On a recent flight from Chicago to Miami, a plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman in particular lost it. Screaming, she stood up at the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wailed. Then she yelled, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there was silence. Everyone had forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman at the front of the plane. Then a man stood up at the rear of the plane. He was gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He started to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt ......one button at a time. No one moved.

He removed his shirt. ...... muscles ripple across his chest....... She gasped..........

He whispered: ....... "Iron this, and get me something to eat...."


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