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TJrandom
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White parrot

Postby TJrandom » Sun Dec 25, 2016 7:40 pm

In front of a barber shop stood a magnific white parrot. Each morning and evening as a lady passed by on her way to and back home, the parrot greeted her with: ‘hi cutie.’

She simply ignored it for over a year, but finally became annoyed at the thought the barber was being rude by teaching this to his parrot, so she walked into the shop and complained to the owner.

He went outside and slapped the parrot silly telling him he'd wring his neck should he open his mouth again. But the next morning when she passed by, the parrot greeted her with: ‘hi cutie, love your body.’

So again the lady complained.

The barber gave the parrot the riot act and for punishment, he dipped the bird in black dye and put him back on his perch to dry.

Oh her way home the parrot said nothing – not a word. She turned to look at this new black parrot and said: `Well, I see you are better mannered than your white predecessor, suits him right. Can you talk?`

The parrot replied: ‘Listen LADY. I don't speak to just any cute girl when I'm wearing my tuxedo.’

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Major Malfunction
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Re: Jokes

Postby Major Malfunction » Sun Jan 15, 2017 2:50 pm

I wrote a haiku,
About the changing seasons.
This being was produced using the same process as other beings, and therefore, may contain traces of nuts.

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Gord
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Re: White parrot

Postby Gord » Sun Jan 15, 2017 3:57 pm

TJrandom wrote:...as a lady passed by on her way to and back home...

What does this phrase even mean? Is going "to and back home" one action or two? Are they different directions or the same direction? If they're different directions, how can that be? Does she have more than one home?

WHY IS THIS SO COMPLICATED?! :shakefist:
"Knowledge grows through infinite timelessness" -- the random fictional Deepak Chopra quote site
"You are also taking my words out of context." -- Justin
"Nullius in verba" -- The Royal Society ["take nobody's word for it"]
#ANDAMOVIE

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scrmbldggs
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Re: Jokes

Postby scrmbldggs » Sun Jan 15, 2017 4:09 pm

It's a typo and should be "too and back home". :-P

Nobrot
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Re: Jokes

Postby Nobrot » Mon Jan 16, 2017 2:30 pm

Ted the tramp was in front of the magistrates court again for being drunk and disorderly. The judge was about eighty and a bit deaf and Ted like most tramps was a bit lippy and belligerent. The charges were read out.
Fighting with bouncers outside a pub he'd been bared from and kicking the arresting cops in the shins.

Judge: 'Before I pass sentence what does the accused have to say on behalf of his defence?'

Ted: '.... ALL!'

Judge: Leaning to one side: 'clerk of the court, what did that man say?

CoTC: 'He said '.... all M lord'.

Judge: Hmm, that's funny I could have sworn I saw his lips move'.

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Gord
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Re: Jokes

Postby Gord » Mon Jan 16, 2017 6:48 pm

It's okay, you can type the words here. The forums have personalised censorship settings, so if anyone doesn't want to see them, they don't have to. (Check your User Control Panel to set your censors to your personal preferences.)
"Knowledge grows through infinite timelessness" -- the random fictional Deepak Chopra quote site
"You are also taking my words out of context." -- Justin
"Nullius in verba" -- The Royal Society ["take nobody's word for it"]
#ANDAMOVIE

Nobrot
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Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:59 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby Nobrot » Mon Jan 16, 2017 9:12 pm

Hmm, I tried to say {!#%@} earlier in another thread but got the KB. Ok, I'll have a look at the seemingly horrendous process that will allow me to say tawt.

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robinson
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Re: Jokes

Postby robinson » Tue Jan 17, 2017 8:20 pm

fook all
"If you tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise they will kill you"
-- Oscar Wilde


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