Jokes

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TJrandom
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Braggart

Postby TJrandom » Thu Mar 22, 2018 10:33 pm

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, John had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

He reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

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Re: Braggart

Postby Mara » Sat Mar 24, 2018 2:08 am

TJrandom wrote:A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, John had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

He reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."


That's what I call a well thought strategy :-)

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Banksmanship

Postby TJrandom » Mon Apr 02, 2018 10:49 pm

My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.

They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.

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Re: Jokes

Postby Aztexan » Tue Apr 10, 2018 3:57 am

Two clowns are eating a cannibal when one looks at the other and says, "Man, that guy really {!#%@} up this joke, didn't he?"
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Re: Jokes

Postby JO 753 » Tue Apr 10, 2018 4:50 am

:lol: I dont get it, but its still funny!
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Re: Jokes

Postby Austin Harper » Tue Apr 10, 2018 3:17 pm

The joke is typically:
Two cannibals are eating a clown when one looks at the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Dum ratio nos ducet, valebimus et multa bene geremus.

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Re: Jokes

Postby JO 753 » Tue Apr 10, 2018 8:20 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

And I thot TJ had uzed up all the good jokes!
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Cadmusteeth
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Re: Jokes

Postby Cadmusteeth » Fri Apr 13, 2018 3:21 pm

The inventor of the throat lossange just died, there will be no coffin at the funeral.

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Re: Jokes

Postby OlegTheBatty » Fri Apr 13, 2018 6:43 pm

The inventor of the crematorium just published his memoirs. It's a heart-warming story.
. . . with the satisfied air of a man who thinks he has an idea of his own because he has commented on the idea of another . . . - Alexandre Dumas 'The Count of Monte Cristo"

There is no statement so absurd that it has not been uttered by some philosopher. - Cicero

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Re: Jokes

Postby Aztexan » Tue Apr 17, 2018 7:25 am

A good friend of mine who happens to be a midget was pickpocketed today.
I just don't know how someone could stoop so low.
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Re: Jokes

Postby OlegTheBatty » Tue Apr 17, 2018 7:09 pm

fortunately, my friend was a balloonist so he could rise above it.
. . . with the satisfied air of a man who thinks he has an idea of his own because he has commented on the idea of another . . . - Alexandre Dumas 'The Count of Monte Cristo"

There is no statement so absurd that it has not been uttered by some philosopher. - Cicero

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Re: Jokes

Postby Aztexan » Tue Apr 17, 2018 10:19 pm

Someone cut a hole in the fence at the local nudist colony.
The cops are looking into it.
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Vaseline

Postby TJrandom » Thu Apr 19, 2018 6:50 am

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”

She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”

“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “What do you use it for?”

“We use it when we make love,” she said.

The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it?”

The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”

Now just what were you thinking? ……

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Drunk driver

Postby TJrandom » Fri Apr 20, 2018 10:06 pm

Recently a police patrol car was strategically parked outside a bar so that he could see the bar exit and the parking lot.

After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off even though it was a fine, dry summer night. He flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyser test. To his amazement, the breathalyser indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

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Re: Jokes

Postby scrmbldggs » Sat Apr 21, 2018 1:00 am

:lol:
.

Lard, save me from your followers.


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