Skeptical Parents

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Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:46 pm

I thought it might be fun to have a place to discuss parenting, kids, family, advice, stories, toddler insights of amazing wisdom, funny anecdotes, or get serious with studies of evolutionary biological psychology and behaviour. Whatever goes. You know, like all the mother's magazines have, except with a skeptical bent.

Fawning and clucking is perfectly OK. :)



(I'd discourage photos, tho'. Go to Facebook for that.)
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Gord » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:29 pm

I don't believe in having children.
"Knowledge grows through infinite timelessness" -- the random fictional Deepak Chopra quote site
"Imagine an ennobling of what could be" -- the New Age BS Generator site
"You are also taking my words out of context." -- Justin
"Nullius in verba" -- The Royal Society ["take nobody's word for it"]
#ANDAMOVIE

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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:30 pm

You don't have to believe to ejaculate. Unless that's your thing...
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby bobbo_the_Pragmatist » Mon Nov 20, 2017 3:51 am

Go ahead:

Edit, or I'll start taking the lead from Gord. One of the key differences between men and women is how much stronger the desire to have kiddies is in women compared to men. I discussed this with my enamorada as she wanted a small family of only 4or5 kiddies whereas I was fine with the one she already had. She commented that her father had said that men love women and accept the kiddies that come from that relationship. I agreed with that and thought it appeared to be the price we males pay to be with our women. Well, we broke up and she married some other dude and had 4 kiddies with him. I still kinda miss the one kid she had that I semi-bonded with.

The residue: I still don't "want" kiddies but now put single with kiddie on my "no go" list because when that relationship doesn't work out, the kiddie goes too.

Parenthood. There's something going on there.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Matthew Ellard » Mon Nov 20, 2017 3:58 am

My mother had never seen a Superman comic book and had only seen Superman on Australia's black & white television service. I'm the handsome devil in the yellow Superman costume, with my two brothers in 1966.

Superman outfit.jpg


My younger brother and I were so upset when we discovered we had the wrong colours, that we became ninjas and joined the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine in 1967.
Superman outfit 2.jpg
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby bobbo_the_Pragmatist » Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:02 am

Did you and your bros ever make soap commercials? Looks like a natural to me.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Matthew Ellard » Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:16 am

bobbo_the_Pragmatist wrote:Did you and your bros ever make soap commercials? Looks like a natural to me.

No, but I banned my mother from dressing me up.... :D

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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby TJrandom » Mon Nov 20, 2017 8:01 am

You will need to learn your nursery rhymes. Here is my favorite…

Mary had a little lamb
Give a dog a bone
Ei ei o
And every place that Mary went
Down washed the spider
And all of the kings men
Came tumbling after
The mouse ran up the clock
And… the lamb was sure to go. ;)

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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby ElectricMonk » Mon Nov 20, 2017 8:44 am

Matthew Ellard wrote:
bobbo_the_Pragmatist wrote:Did you and your bros ever make soap commercials? Looks like a natural to me.

No, but I banned my mother from dressing me up.... :D



quite right -

that's a big sister's job.

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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby bobbo_the_Pragmatist » Mon Nov 20, 2017 10:58 am

TJrandom wrote:You will need to learn your nursery rhymes. Here is my favorite…

Mary had a little lamb
Give a dog a bone
Ei ei o
And every place that Mary went
Down washed the spider
And all of the kings men
Came tumbling after
The mouse ran up the clock
And… the lamb was sure to go. ;)

I've always thought mixing up the words for common objects could be pretty funny. Call the cat dog and vice versa. Yourself Mom and Wifey Dad. Note the confusion at school on first day................

Then, on a more serious note, teach the kiddie something a bit more obscure but totally wrong. Then as the kiddie reaches an age where he/she is convinced of some position, you can put it to him that "The Great Wall of China" is not really made of China. You just taught him that so he could see how people tend to believe whatever they are taught as kiddies. It might work?
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby scrmbldggs » Mon Nov 20, 2017 11:15 am

I'd say " do unto others" and not as was done to you. Unless you had a wonderful upbringing. :mrgreen:

And keep in mind the other person, however small, is just that. ;)
.

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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Mon Nov 20, 2017 11:47 am

I convinced my kids toothpaste was made from teeth stolen by the tooth fairy, and ground into paste at the tooth fairy toothpaste factory.

They also believed I went to Mars on a rocket for work every day.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby ElectricMonk » Mon Nov 20, 2017 12:34 pm

Image


- from "Great Lies to tell Small Kids"

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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Mon Nov 20, 2017 1:00 pm

It was a prank, bro!
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby TJrandom » Mon Nov 20, 2017 9:04 pm

As a 5yo – in a field, my father staked a large rock so that we would not break the plow again the next year and would be able to find it again `when it moved`. So for a long time I thought that rocks moved.

When I was learning the alphabet – my older sister taught me that the sequence `L M N O P` was `elemental pee`. Of course others soon corrected me, but I always wondered about elemental pee.

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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:37 am

One time my washing machine popped its drain hose and flooded the laundry. My daughter walked by and called out, "Why is there hundreds and hundreds of water on the floor?"

Another time the missus went outside with bare feet and stood on a large gumnut. She cursed. Daughter turns to me and asks, "Daddy, what's a {!#%@} gumnut?"
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Nikki Nyx » Sat Dec 23, 2017 8:06 pm

My daughter was a skeptic, even at a young age. When her peers informed her that Santa did not exist, she offered the evidence of xmas presents labeled "From: Santa" as proof they were wrong. When they told her the presents were from me, she scoffed, "That's not my mother's handwriting." In her mind, she was being perfectly logical, while they were being gullibly swayed by propaganda...lol.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby bobbo_the_Pragmatist » Sun Dec 24, 2017 8:56 am

I don't remember doing it but Dear Old Dad told the tale that I swore into my early teens that The Great Wall of China was actually made of china. I'll admit........it is kinda my first thought.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:31 am

Matthew Ellard wrote:Ha! I already do all the washing, cooking and cleaning. When it is Amanda's turn to cook she gets on the phone and asks me to "kick off" dinner, which means dice, chop, grate and have all the ingredients set out like a "how two cook-book". Ten minutes later, as amanda is still on the phone, I start cooking. :D

Plan A : I built the cot next to our bed so all I have to do is lift the bubsies out of the cot, say "tit time" and place them on Amanda. I then read a periodical on modern developments in armoured fighting vehicles, wait for the slurping to stop, lift the bubsies, smell for poo, (change accordingly on mobile change table), place bubsies back in cot, go back to sleep. Twice to three times a night.

Easy!
:D

Well, I don't know about "easy" but I survived on 4 hours' sleep a day for four years while holding a job.

Granted mine were 2 years apart, but that extended the misery. Both at once, I can't even begin to imagine...

But we do what we must when we must.

We had a similar arrangement. Cot in the conjugal bedroom. Since I was the lightest sleeper, I'd pick 'em up and put 'em on the tit.

If that didn't work, I'd pick 'em up and carry them around while I made some formula, sing some lullabies and bounce and rock. What worked for one didn't work for t'other.

Don't diss formula. It's more filling, so they'll sleep longer between feeds.

But we usually ended-up all sleeping in the same bed until they were four-abouts.

I'm one of those crazy people that thinks co-sleeping isn't a bad thing. Humans are social animals. Especially little babies don't like being left all alone in a dark room. They much prefer being between their parents. They feel safe. Or on top of your head.

I'd recommend investing in a king-size bed...

I still sleep with my kids sometimes. They're teenagers now. Am I weird? Am I creepy? We enjoy a morning cuddle.

One of my favourite memories is when the eldest was about a year old, sleeping between us, one morning she reached out her little baby-soft hand and caressed by back and said, "Dada".
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Nikki Nyx » Thu Mar 15, 2018 4:27 pm

Matthew Ellard wrote:Plan A : I built the cot next to our bed so all I have to do is lift the bubsies out of the cot, say "tit time" and place them on Amanda. I then read a periodical on modern developments in armoured fighting vehicles, wait for the slurping to stop, lift the bubsies, smell for poo, (change accordingly on mobile change table), place bubsies back in cot, go back to sleep. Twice to three times a night.

Easy!
:D
Not necessarily easy, but definitely easier. I was a huge fan of the bassinet when my daughter was an infant. And I'd keep a couple diapers and a box of wipes on my night table. Night feedings are a lot easier when you don't have to get out of bed. (I also dozed off until it was time to change tits, then dozed off again until she was finished. It works if you bend your knees up to keep your arms in place...and make sure you're well away from the edge of the bed. Which wasn't difficult, since we had a waterbed at that point.)
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Nikki Nyx » Thu Mar 15, 2018 4:30 pm

Major Malfunction wrote:I'm one of those crazy people that thinks co-sleeping isn't a bad thing.
It's not crazy. The world is a scary place for tots.

Major Malfunction wrote:I still sleep with my kids sometimes. They're teenagers now. Am I weird? Am I creepy? We enjoy a morning cuddle.
You're only weird/creepy to people who believe it's possible to be sexually attracted to one's own children. Those people are crazy.

Major Malfunction wrote:One of my favourite memories is when the eldest was about a year old, sleeping between us, one morning she reached out her little baby-soft hand and caressed by back and said, "Dada".
Priceless!
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Matthew Ellard » Thu Mar 15, 2018 9:42 pm

Major Malfunction wrote:I'm one of those crazy people that thinks co-sleeping isn't a bad thing. Humans are social animals. Especially little babies don't like being left all alone in a dark room. They much prefer being between their parents. They feel safe. Or on top of your head.


The mid-wives are fundamentally against co-sleeping with babies. However, history tells us that this is what humans do naturally. Frankly, I can't see how humans moved into colder regions if they didn't all sleep together.

In my mind, the mid wives are aiming at the lowest infant mortality rate and simply removing a small potential danger. I think I will play it by ear, as I think Lorenz Imprinting applies to humans and co-sleeping is probably quite important. I'll just be careful.
stop-sleep-graphic-colored.jpg



Konrad Lorenz and his ducklings.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Fri Mar 16, 2018 6:26 am

Nikki Nyx wrote:
Major Malfunction wrote:I still sleep with my kids sometimes. They're teenagers now. Am I weird? Am I creepy? We enjoy a morning cuddle.
You're only weird/creepy to people who believe it's possible to be sexually attracted to one's own children. Those people are crazy.

We showered together until they were about 8 or 9, that's when their privacy mode just naturally kicked in. Now they won't let me see their chests even if they've got a nasty rash. I'm like, just think of me like a doctor. I'm your father and it's my job to make sure you stay healthy. Nope! I'm a biologist. It's not like I haven't seen it all before. Who do think changed your nappies? Nope! OK, then, have it your way, here's the ointment. I'll do your back.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Nikki Nyx » Fri Mar 16, 2018 5:47 pm

Matthew Ellard wrote:The mid-wives are fundamentally against co-sleeping with babies. However, history tells us that this is what humans do naturally. Frankly, I can't see how humans moved into colder regions if they didn't all sleep together.

In my mind, the mid wives are aiming at the lowest infant mortality rate and simply removing a small potential danger. I think I will play it by ear, as I think Lorenz Imprinting applies to humans and co-sleeping is probably quite important. I'll just be careful.
Interestingly, the pediatrician I first had when my daughter was a newborn counseled me to never let her sleep on her back. The given reason was that she might spit up and choke on it. A few years later, it was conclusively proven that putting an infant on its stomach is the single largest cause of SIDS.

That pedi also told me "no solid food until she breaks her first tooth." By the time my daughter was a couple months old, she was only sleeping 90 minutes at a time during the night. I was frantic with exhaustion. My mom told me to dissolve a teaspoon of baby cereal in her formula. Boom. She slept 6 hours...and so did I. The poor kid couldn't sleep because she was hungry. (And she didn't break her first tooth until 6 months. Had I not followed my mom's advice, we both would have been insane by that time from lack of sleep.)

Needless to say, I switched pediatricians. I'd never liked that one in any case. She had extremely long, polished nails, and I feared she might eviscerate my daughter whilst palpating her abdomen. :shock:

Advice from the medical community isn't always correct, and there's a lot to be said for learning from the experiences of others. Now, I'm not saying that proper parenting is necessarily instinctive—there are a millions of examples that it's not!—but children are individuals, and you have to do what's best, even if what's best is different for each child. You folks will be just fine, and so will your babies. :mrgreen:
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Nikki Nyx » Fri Mar 16, 2018 6:11 pm

Major Malfunction wrote:
Nikki Nyx wrote:
Major Malfunction wrote:I still sleep with my kids sometimes. They're teenagers now. Am I weird? Am I creepy? We enjoy a morning cuddle.
You're only weird/creepy to people who believe it's possible to be sexually attracted to one's own children. Those people are crazy.
We showered together until they were about 8 or 9, that's when their privacy mode just naturally kicked in. Now they won't let me see their chests even if they've got a nasty rash. I'm like, just think of me like a doctor. I'm your father and it's my job to make sure you stay healthy. Nope! I'm a biologist. It's not like I haven't seen it all before. Who do think changed your nappies? Nope! OK, then, have it your way, here's the ointment. I'll do your back.
:lol: It's funny when your kids suddenly switch to privacy mode. Then again, it's simultaneously sad, because it means they're growing up way too fast. (Yet you never, ever forget that intoxicating "new baby" scent, do you?)

Of course, giving birth tends to eradicate body modesty. When someone you've never even met suddenly comes in your room and sticks their hand up your hoo-hah to check your dilation, it's a bit difficult to retain your modesty. :mrgreen: And being peed, poohed, and vomited on tends to eradicate your squeamishness.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby OlegTheBatty » Fri Mar 16, 2018 6:13 pm

Nikki Nyx wrote: And being peed, poohed, and vomited on tends to eradicate your squeamishness.


When it's your baby, sure, but when it's a complete stranger, not so much.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Nikki Nyx » Fri Mar 16, 2018 6:18 pm

OlegTheBatty wrote:
Nikki Nyx wrote: And being peed, poohed, and vomited on tends to eradicate your squeamishness.
When it's your baby, sure, but when it's a complete stranger, not so much.
I most definitely agree!
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Tue Apr 10, 2018 11:43 am

Eldest just started calling me "Dad" yesterday. No warning, no transitionary period for me to get used to it... Just, "Dad. Dad. DAD!"

Took me a few moments to realise she was addressing me. I thought it was some other kid.

I'm kinda sad I'm no longer "Daddy" to her. But glad to see her growing up. At nearly 14, she's nearly as tall as me! I'm 6'1". Only a couple inches shy.

The youngest, almost 12, still calls me Daddy, so I've got maybe another couple years of hearing those dulcet tones. But not much longer, I'm afraid... Today she pulled-out her last baby tooth. By herself. It took her a while to work up to it, and there was a bit of blood. But she managed it like a trooper in good spirits.

Things are happening so quickly... If I blink, I'll be a Grandfather...
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Poodle » Tue Apr 10, 2018 1:07 pm

Oh, that happens before you blink.

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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Austin Harper » Tue Apr 10, 2018 3:25 pm

I'll call you daddy if you want but it would probably make everybody uncomfortable.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:52 pm

Poodle wrote:Oh, that happens before you blink.

I'm hoping they'll find better lovers than that!
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Tue Apr 10, 2018 7:07 pm

Austin Harper wrote:I'll call you daddy if you want but it would probably make everybody uncomfortable.

I'm trying to think of a joke, but I can only think of that guy that identifies as a six year-old girl and lives with an elderly adoptive couple.

Let's just settle on "most people".
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Sun Aug 19, 2018 10:41 am

Well, the time has come. I'm the guy standing in the "ladies aisle" comparing products for value and absorption.

It's all new to me. There are so many options and I have to figure it out quickly, because I'm getting lots of dirty looks, and one chick even tried to run me over with her trolley.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Sun Aug 19, 2018 12:35 pm

I also experienced my first angst as a father of a teenage daughter today when a boy invited himself into my car with my eldest.

We were watching her younger sister play football, and this kid just opens the door and hops in the backseat with her. Well, it was cold and raining. At least he said how do you do.

I suppose I need to explain the cultural context for the uninitiated... This is a local country game. People just drive right up to the boundary fence, and watch the game from inside their cars. Like a drive-in movie. Especially when it's freezing cold, windy, and raining. If it's fair weather, people break out their folding chairs and BBQs.

This kid just opens the door, climbs in. It was raining. As I was saying, at least he introduced himself.

Me: Who are you?
Him: (name)
Daughter: He's my friend (doesn't even look up from her phone).
Me: How do you know her?
Him: We go to school together.
We shake hands. Nice to meet you.
(and I thought right then... Now it begins. I remember when I was a horny 14 yo. He's sniffing after my daughter...)

Then the little {!#%@} asks what the knobs on my door were.

Me: That's for winding the windows up and down.
Him: WOW! This car is really old!

Off to a bad start, laddie. But it gets worse... Way worse.

He asked if I were a woodworker? I asked why? He just reckoned I looked like "that kinda guy".

He asked me what I studied and what I did. I said I studied science at uni, and work in IT. The little {!#%@} said, "Well, that's a waste of your skills".

I asked what he wants to be when he grows up. He said, "A vet, if I don't die." I said, well, be carefull. And he said, "No, I mean a veteran!"

Sorry, matey. You seem quite smart. You might even become wise one day.

But you're not dating my daughter. You failed the Father Test.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby scrmbldggs » Sun Aug 19, 2018 2:44 pm

You blinked? :blink:
.

Lard, save me from your followers.

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Major Malfunction
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Major Malfunction » Sun Aug 19, 2018 3:03 pm

I blinked just now, and over an hour passed. Now I'm starving. This time travelling business is hungry work!
This being was produced using the same process as other beings, and therefore, may contain traces of nuts.

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Poodle
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Poodle » Sun Aug 19, 2018 3:08 pm

I'm sure that Majorette Malfunction can look after herself at least as well as you did when you were her age.

(Light the blue touch paper and stand well clear ... ...).

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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby TJrandom » Sun Aug 19, 2018 9:06 pm

Major Malfunction wrote:I also experienced my first angst as a father of a teenage daughter today when a boy invited himself ...

But you're not dating my daughter. You failed the Father Test.


Erm - don`t let your daughter know, or the boy either. Me thinks disapproval creates the challenge, forbidden fruit and all... :)

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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby bobbo_the_Pragmatist » Sun Aug 19, 2018 10:51 pm

Ha, ha...….…...time for some psychobabble with your daughter. "Brush up on your Dr Phil...………..'

You might both benefit.
Real Name: bobbo the existential pragmatic evangelical anti-theist and Class Warrior.
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Re: Skeptical Parents

Postby Wordbird » Mon Aug 20, 2018 12:06 am

Gord wrote:I don't believe in having children.


I know this will traumatise you, but it's for your own good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcW4ZKshg3o


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